Hello,

Yes, going through the impermanance bit of life, it seems rather devastating, and to say the least just plain bleek. It is interesting that in one of my classes I am researching the topic of Theravada Buddhism, and one of the main themes I keep encountering is impermanence. I guess it is very appropriate timing.

Although, a good thing was that today was just one of those very extremely rare, much needed and very appropriate days in life... I took my children (which was great in itself b/c usually don't have time to even barely hug them due to working for the bablyon system, etc...) to the park by a pond,
that certain "feeling in the air," sea gulls flying everywhere, just an overall feeling of happiness, freedom, sanity and the smallest hint of light piercing the darkness. A day noone could ignore and just seems to be there for a reason. Anyone reading this experience the same today?

I am also very sorry to hear that you have lost a friend, I truly hope you are feeling better somehow each day. I truly hope so, you always bring so much happiness and consideration to others.

My grandmother also died not long after I posted the "maddening" response to this thread and today I am finally feeling a little bit of mysterious "light" amidst the heaviness, confusion and despair. I finally had a little time off of work and studying and took my children to the park by a pond, and it was such a beautiful day, with seagulls and other birds flying everywhere over the water - you know, just one of those sort of perfect days that come out of nowhere and unexpectedly disrupt reality and you can't help but take notice of it, and be effected by it whether you wish to or not. I hope you soon have a day like this too, if you haven't allready.

It is ok that you have no answer to give, your kindness in a world so void of it is better than an answer.

Maybe the fact that everything constantly changes is there to force us to search for the possiblity of something else out there that must be permanent, some form of permanent existence, or at least an existence that continually evolves, if this is not also a lie to fullfill the earthly human mind and "soul" before it dies also, some form of temporary appeasement before vanishing into thin air also? I don't know. I hope not. And even then, if there is this sort of, at least unknown to me now, impermanent evolved existence, it would be nothing without for example the love for my children and there existence and wellbeing, etc. Their proximaty too me. I wouldn't even want to live forever if I could without them.

I sincerely hope you are doing well and am thankful for your post and sorry to hear that you have lost someone also. Even if the not proven, but very likely possibility that every perception and conception of the mind is all a lie by a higher force to appease the bleaker reality that we cannot know of us turning into dust like ants do (unless we want to percieve & conceive it to be so), yet were too "small" of organisms to fully realize anything else.... besides all this:), I hope you feel better. That's all that really matters anyway. I am sincerely sorry for your loss, I hope you are not feeling too downtrodden. If you are I hope you have a day that escapes reality, of seagulls and light to help you along.

It's all so short
Jah Bless, Heather