******but a friend pulled me in at a young age.. he terrified me that the world was going to end and that the anti christ was gonna come. so i joined sunday school and the choir. those songs brainewashed me i think. a lot of the voices i hear are strongly related to themes of the songs we sang for many years as a young child up to high school! ********
Actually, this is the psychological terror that the majority of us in the West undergo.
However there is something within you that is rejecting the fear trauma. That is your sensitivities to connecting with the Universe. So you are undergoing a tug-of-war between your heart, which is aligned with EVERYTHING and your mind, which is tampered by semi-truths.
The problem is that there are small particles of truth within your indoctrination...enough to convince you.
For instance, it IS accurate about burning in hell, its just that IT IS HAPPENING NOW. Those voices and fears and worries and guilt are hell on Earth. YOU ARE IN HELL RIGHT NOW but it is only ETERNAL if you are convinced that it is. That is the power of the mind/set. The good news is you can gain more control of your mind. The first thing is to listen to your heart. The heart and mind are twins. Everything is connected.
As far as "anti-KRST":
AntiKRST is the prevention of you attaining your highest status. This higher status is misapplied to humans and erroneously accepted as attaining some exclusive/individual pinnacle. Whereas a KRSTic highness is in the company of ALL energy and matter.
So basically following what they tell you about people like Christ, specifically the one known as Jesus is as anti-Krstic as you can get. That is why you will notice here and in public how there must be some level of DENIAL when it comes to an institutional/dictatorial/indoctrinated religious application.
Your conflict is between what you know in your heart and what you are being told, with a dose of doom and gloom reinforcing the message.
Just honestly analyze how egotistical certain religions are compared to holistic indigenous pagan overstandings/relations with Nature.
First step to healing is an honest acknowledgment of truth regardless of indoctrinations.
Its hard to do it may seem, but it is only possible IF YOU WANT IT...NOT popularity...NOT acceptance...NOT material comfort...NOT egotistical comfort...not hierarchy pinnacles, BUT TRUTH. You have to love 'God' which means to love Self and your other selves (EVERYTHING).
Do you REALLY want it or are you actually performing in a self-initiated ritual to keep you preoccupied on hell and what not which allows you to block out something more traumatic.
Are you engaged in your own diversion tactics?
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