I will try to rap with you, if you are receptive to my response.
First of all, being mad at yourself is prudent. It is prudent to react negatively to things that you feel uncomfortable about. That is human. But it is nevertheless a waste of time and energy. Unless you can compensate for your deeds, you are not serving any master but the master of nothingness/chaos. That does nothing to "pay" for what you have done. It does not restore your victims...it does nothing to restore you. Its a double whammy.
You are committing a bigger crime by doing nothing but being mad and worrisome.
With that said, you have to realize that you can atone for the past. You cannot bring back the past but you can move forward with the acknowledgment of past errs or shortcomings.
So you must take every moment as a restoration of the previous moment.
The concepts that they attribute to jesus is the Ma'atic nature of matter and energy. Everything is circular. And the act of forgiveness is but the act of revolution. It is the act of moving forward and not holding up the flow of things (such as your life) by dwelling on the stagnation of the past.
Acknowledge the past, indeed.
Affirm the past, indeed.
But four-giving is not forgetting. In fact it is the exact opposite. NEVER FORGET. But dammit KEEP ON MOVING AND EVOLVING.
Think of it this way. Here you are perhaps a year since I remember asking the same questions about burning and hell and damnation.
365 days...52 weeks and you are in a prison of worrying about a possible future. What about your present? You are robbing yourself of every breath you breathe because you are incarcerated by the past and held hostage by the future.
The biggest crime/sin is what you are, or are not doing in between the past and the future, THE PRESENT.
YES, there is hell. You are in it now.
YES, there is deliverance and forgiveness...it starts with your own heart and mind.
Move FORWARD with the Universe.
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