Re: "Atheist" Question/maddening
Posted By: Heather In Response To: "Atheist" Question (Ras Heru)
Date: Sunday, 22 October 2006, at 12:25 a.m.
In Response To: "Atheist" Question (Ras Heru)
who knows lately. My relatively young neighbor died yesterday in her house and its driving me nuts. Everytime I look out the window I see her house, her flower pots, some of her stuff blowing across the yard that she normally would've noticed right away and picked up but now shes completely gone, vanished into thin air, and so it stays there laying in her yard - (I want to go and pick it up, but feel out of place like I shouldn't be there)... also everytime I look out her window since last night when it happened, I see her whole life vanishing along with her - everything she worked for and saved, just everything is just now left to the wind, because she's gone. Poof.
I just wonder where she went
Its like she should be there, its like she is there, but shes not. I keep waiting for her to walk across her yard, but she never will again. It's all just too much. My grandmother is also on her last breath, literally. This week she is on her deathbed and no going back. My classes at school are in general about death and suffering. My mind thinks consciously about these things. And its all around. Sometimes with all this death and suffering and questions never being fully and logically answered you gotta wonder if there is a God/Jah, for many reasons.
Lately, this last year or so I have really been losing my faith for many reasons and especially with the death of loved ones, etc, and other things, it just makes me upset and I feel like just breaking down inside.
Things in life are becoming, not clearer but less clear. It all crumbles and dies, etc. etc. within the blink of any eye....
I just pray and wish for some proof everyday of eternal life, all I want is some proof that I will be with the ones I love forever in an eternity.
I've thought endlessly how this would be possible, and even what type of state of being we'd be in if it were even true and I come up with no sensible answers. All my answers lead the other way, like it is all nonsenes. Not that I know either way like I thought I used to "know" without even questioning. Anyway, its a miserable lost feeling to not know if there is an eternal life.
I just do not want to return to the dust as nothing with everything that ever held meaning to die and vanish into nothing, and especially and really only those people I love - I just hope we do not just disappear into nothingness and nonexistense. Everything experienced by the senses and the heart and soul, present and past, dreams and building upon what we've allready learned and our lifes work .... just shut off like a light going out forever? I just dont know.
Anyhow, I don't know lately if there is a God/Jah, etc... but I really hope there is.
May you have happiness despite this maddening, soul and heart-crushing question, Heather
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