i hate the thoughts i wrote, they are dark and horrible.

but i feel a pull sometimes to jesus. this i think is becuase i was brainwashed into associating christ with love, hope and truth long ago. this is how they do it, they pull people in with gods love, salvation. its only years later after unlocking the christian interpretation of the bible that we see the big picture, and are then too terrified to leave. you know this isnt what i want to beleive. you have seen my posts calling out christians for brainwashing techniques.

but christians have perfect defence all over the bible

they say:

beware those foolish in this age

beware the imagination of the heart

the ways of god are foolish to the ways of man

the christian world view is depressing: satan controls this world, we are all corrupt and worthy of judgement and god saves us through jesus

if god of the bible was a man we would find him guilty

i dont know why i keep quetioning. i feel like jesus will never explain anytihng to me, unless i just take everything in the bible is truth and igore my human experience (flawed by satan) histroy (flawed by humans) philosophy (satans philosophy, lol) other religions (really worshipin g the devil)

if chritianity is false, and my reason says iti s, not only false but unfit for this complex society, and leading to strange ways of thinking, using word patterns and words that in other world scenarions mean one thing, but in chritianity, they mean somethig else.

trut in the world is differnt from trt in chritianity. love in the world is different from love in christianity.

in christianity gods love is special. see we have to accept tat we are worthy of hell and corrupt. then you can say, well. look, even though we are worthy of hell, god is gona save us.. NOW THAT IS LOVE. this is shifty love, like a used car salesman.

i dont trust jahova.

i feel like tere is something wrong with me.

what if it is right?

none of us chose this reality.

to us, we all percieve it differntly

but to an outside observer, it just is.....

who are we to say that the "just is" the absolute reality that we all seep ortions of i not precisely what is in the bible?

we can never know

the evidence on eart is inconclusive.

i cant trust a god that gives us "free will" to eternally damn ourselves while we live in the fleeting time of life on earth, MAKE THE WRONG CHOICE AND GO TO HELL

why does god work this way?

it drives me mad, but at the same time, i wonder if it is truth because of the pull i feel to jesus.

thats all i feel, sometimes i tihnk i feel a good presence when i tihnk about jesus.

and this is why i think im brainwashed, im associating him with truth, right, love, goodness. the hole picture is ugly tohugh

just watch chritians as they try to witness. they usually ONLY focus on the good side

god is love. jesus saves, jesus is love, did you know that we ca all know our wonderful creator and his love? thats how they draw people in.