I know a woman who as she was growing up, her mother would tell her to "stay out of that sun, you black enough" and she would tell me how her mother would scrub and scrub her body in the tub as if her beautiful tone was filthy dirt. She has grown up to be a beautiful queen but in her mind, it is affirmed by straight blond weaves, green or hazel contact lenses, and some kind of skin lightener (bleach?). She always used to joke about how Wesley Snipes could never come anywhere near her because of his complexion. "I'm at the end of the spectrum, I need my kids towards the middle" she would say. She would make several comments like that and it would be obvious that she had a complexion-complex. She told me that she wanted someone with "good" hair, and "good" skin tone like El DeBarge.

This other woman from mixed ancestry (with "good" hair and "good" skin tone) has a white successful corporate mother. When she was younger, she said her mother would entertain her white corporate friends. But first she would remove all the photos of her daughter, make racist jokes, and more tragically bribe her daughter with big shopping money to stay upstairs out of sight and not make a sound.

She told me that on another occasion, one of her mother's friends saw her with her mother and asked who she was. The mother told the "friend" a story about how she came across this strange girl that she felt sorry for, how the girl's mother was a whore and drug user, how she felt sorry for the girl, took her in, and provided her with a warm home and financial security. It is ironic that when the girl grew up she said that was the most accurate, truthful thing that her mother had ever said to anyone because all of that was true and at least her mother didn't lie and claim that she loved her. But anyway, later in life, she finally attempted suicide after, in my opinion, an id-entity crisis. But she is Ok now, I think.

Self-hatred and denial do not disciminate.

Even demons do not hate...only people do.

-always